I guess this is a rant. I'm getting so frustrated with myself. With my body. I watch these people around me who eat more and exercise a hell of a lot less than me wearing size ten clothes and finding life so damn easy. For goodness sake I walk at very least three miles every day, I'm lifting heavy things all day and I eat less than 1500 calories a day and I'm still, STILL, a size 16. I don't know what else I can do.
I want to be able to run without feeling so heavy. I want to be strong. Why is it every time I run my asthma plays up? My legs hurt and I can barely stand?! It's not fare. I just want to be normal ! To be healthy!
I just want to be able to go a day without some part of me aching. A night without having to take my inhaler. I have a good diet. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I eat my damn vegetables, so why does my body hate me?!
Even my hormones can't chill out and let me be. I don't want to be hyper one minute and crying my eyes out the next.
And the worst part? I've been to the doctor, there's NOTHING physically wrong with me. If I knew I was sick then maybe it would make it better somehow. I could understand it. I could deal with it. But no, I'm an apparently perfectly healthy, stressed, exhausted, overweight twentyone year old woman.
It just makes me want to scream sometimes.
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